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Laying Out

How good are you at living in the moment? Staying present isn’t always easy, especially in the fast-paced world we’re living in. There’s so much happening, and we have to make sure we’re keeping up, not falling behind. We’re accountable to so many different people, we find it hard to stay 100% focused on the present moment, and the goal at hand.

I was at my niece Anne’s softball tournament recently, when she was playing center field. Her team had fought their way back from the losers bracket and in one out, they would play for the championship. The adults stood in the bleachers, as the next batter approached the plate. The girl hit the ball into short center field, and Anne ran toward the ball, with the gracefulness of a professional. She moved with her instincts. It was as if she had no idea there was anything else in the world to worry about. Just an 11-year-old and the ball. She laid out her entire body, slid through the grass, and came up to find the ball right where she knew it would be, in her glove.

The crowd went wild.

Anne shrugged, as if it was no big deal. There was another game to play.

I think about that play, and the focus she had — she’s an incredible pitcher at a young age — and I think about what had to happen in order for her to make that play. The mechanics — the skill of catching the ball — was only a small part of that. After you learn to catch a ball, it’s not that hard. No, what had to happen was something that only comes when the circumstances are exactly right. In order to execute, whether it’s on the softball field, or in the office, or at home, optimal performance demands that you stay present.

If Anne had been thinking about her previous at-bat, or a ball she dropped a game ago, or having a dialogue in her head about the chances of winning the championship, she could not have been the linchpin in this moment. If she’d been afraid of missing the ball, or of getting hurt she might have pulled up and let the ball bounce, playing it safe, letting the game go on to an uncertain end. But she was present, laser-focused and intent on the goal.

In the movie, Perfect Game, with Kevin Costner, we can see the mental strength that Billy Chapel, the character played by Costner, has when he “clears the mechanism.” There’s a relationship at stake, and yet, there’s a job to do, and he controls the thoughts when he steps on the mound.

Does this only happen in the movies? Are 11-year-olds blessed with some advantage that is lost for most of the rest of the world?

No. But it is hard, isn’t it?

When we are our purest selves, allowing ourselves to be who we were born to be, the artist within us knows what to do. Laying out, for her, isn’t a question. It’s just who she is. But, the challenges of life, #adulting, and the fear of failure begin to infiltrate that unbridled, unfettered focus that all of us are capable of, and most of us talk our way out of laying out.

Why “can’t” we? What is the real reason we’re “too busy?” or distracted from the goal?

Staying present, and seeing things through — laying out — opens the doors to the life we were designed to live. It’s not in the opportunities we missed, or the balls we dropped. Most of us are still thinking about all of the errors we’ve made along the way, while the all-stars understand what Babe Ruth knew: that “every strike brings me closer to the next home run.”

The next time you’re stuck thinking about the baggage — the failed attempts at meeting your goals, or the fear of making a mistake — take a breath, clear the mechanism, stay focused and give everything you have to this moment.

You are guaranteed one of two outcomes — you’ll come up with the ball, or you’ll be able to walk off the field knowing you laid out, giving your all to the effort, and you left it all on the field. And, if you decide to be present, you’ll know exactly what to do next time.

Once you do this a few times, you’re going to learn that whether or not you catch the ball has never been the point. 

Months later, I’ll bet Anne isn’t thinking about that remarkable catch. Because, to her, there’s another game to play, and that catch isn’t going to help her win the present game. We can learn a lot from sports — but the best lessons we can learn come from living in the present.

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Separate Yourself – A Suggestion for Changemakers

Doing good comes with a downside. Maybe that’s why so many people just give up and stop trying. The reason we surround ourselves with the people we do, is because they “get us.” They know our heart. But we cannot live in a bubble. If we just surround ourselves with the people who understand us, there’s little chance that the change we want to make — the good that we want to do in the world, will ever come to be if we choose to just play it safe in our little world of like-minded people.

That doesn’t make it easier to deal with when we’re asked to prove our integrity, or when we’re questioned about our motives.

Remember, Pressure is a Privilege (I wrote about this recently, and I still need to remind myself of this regularly — and that will continue to be the way it is, so long as we continue to choose to fight the good fight.

I recently received a message from a close friend who shared his frustration about the dialogues in our city about a Confederate monument and the social divisiveness it has created in our community. He followed this message with — “I am only sharing this with you, because — you know my heart.”

The world is filled with so much negativity, that a person who has their heart in the right place is just completely vulnerable to the hatred — and this makes it harder and harder to keep at it. The noise, the voices of the people who believe there’s probably a hidden agenda, or some dirty dealings, or simply are unwilling to consider that there is another side — make it difficult for people who want to make a difference to keep trying.

Gut (Reality) Check

As long as there are people who strive to make a difference, there will always be people on the other side, bringing their negativity, “snarkiness” and even accusations to the table.

When we are faced with these challenges, it’s easy to consider just pulling up the cords and walking away. And allow our thoughts to go something like this: This work doesn’t really matter. I am

not making a difference. Maybe they are right. I am done with this BS. We’re supposed to ignore sunk costs — maybe that’s what this is — another sunk cost. Time to walk away.

But this when we absolutely must strengthen our resolve. We need to put on our “big girl panties” and carry on. And, we need to find a way to separate ourselves from the negativity.

Here are some things to remember when you’re feeling the affects of the negative energy that inevitably will surface.

  • The toxic energy that surrounds you is not you.
  • Their negative interpretation of your actions is not you.
  • The rude, insensitive responses to something good is not a reason to stop — it is a reason to keep going.
  • You will never know the pain that they are enduring — and this means you must not let their pain be your pain.
  • Fortify your soul and refresh by taking a good, long break. Staying wrapped up in the negativity will eventually wear you down.
  • At times like these, take a long, hard look at the work you have done. Don’t let the single heckler in the crowd distract you from seeing the good you’ve been doing — The results of your work should always be louder than that single voice.

Showing up to do the work you are being called to do requires GRIT. And, in order to stay positive, work through the challenges and keep plugging away, you have to know where you’re going. This might be a great time to write it down. So that when the next wave of negativity comes, you can remember what you told yourself:

Here are my favorite quotes to help me through these days.

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