What’s the Nugget in your Day?

 

We all know what a perfect day looks like, right? When everything goes exactly the way you planned, when all the details fall into place, and when you are able to communicate exactly what you meant to say, without a single misunderstanding. No one says something ridiculous, you don’t get your feelings hurt, you get everything you wanted, exactly the way you wanted them. Ah, the satisfaction that comes with perfection!

Wait, What? You’ve never had a perfect day? How is that possible? You’ve been practicing perfection for 15,466 days! How in the world haven’t you managed to figure this out yet?

At this point in my life, I have accepted that perfection isn’t the point. We’re not racing to figure out how to be perfect. We’re racing to figure out how to live a life of meaning. And, if that’s not what we’re here for, I am afraid we might discover a disappointing result.

Measuring Meaning — I Should Have Been an Amazing Mom

We all have a different way to measure meaning. And, it likely will shift as we grow older. When I was first navigating the world of #adulting, I thought my purpose was to be a mother. I wanted 6 kids. I wanted to have play dates, and snuggles on the couch. Perfection was a happy marriage with doe-eyed cherubs, and the feeling of little sweaty hands reaching out to me for one more bed time story.

But that wasn’t in God’s plan. And it took me many many years to come to terms with the path that my life was going to take. Whether or not I was a willing participant. Much like the path of a hurricane. We can try and prepare for what we want to happen, but we’re not in control of what will actually happen. And, that’s the hardest lesson of all. Please don’t worry about me today. That dark period is well behind me. But it didn’t happen on its own. And, today, I choose to be happy, content and completely accepting of the path that God has chosen for me.

Rerouting

But it wasn’t always like that. It took what seemed like an eternity to come to terms with the GPS signal that I kept trying to re-route.

No, I thrashed, and fought and cried foul. Raging against my misfortune, my guilt, my shame, my loneliness. I chose to let my failure to conceive define me.

Perfection is a Myth

Until I let go.

And that is when I realized that perfection was a myth, and the world I lived in was going to go on with or without me. I could stop playing the victim, and letting depression suck the purpose out of me, or…. I could rise.

I had that choice — I still have that choice. Every day, I make that choice. You have that choice too. But the choice to make a difference is one that requires work, sacrifice, and accepting that you might be called in a different direction than the one you’re pining away for. Sometimes, it is just easier to hate. You can hate for so many reasons. And they are all legitimate reasons. We can justify our pain, and we can always find someone who will let us feel sorry for ourselves.

Get off the Roller Coaster!

The roller coaster ride that describes my life before I let go of my desire to control it wasn’t one I was proud to claim as “My Life.” But the person I am today, is. And, the nugget out of that mess was that I found something to live for. I stopped blaming and started loving — myself first, and then you. I love because it’s a gift I have been given by those around me, but like their love, my love isn’t perfect. I get my feelings hurt — more often than I would like. But the sensitive, wounded heart that felt so bitter when I was in my 20’s warmly admires the woman I discovered I was capable of being in my 30’s.

And, when I started to see the Nugget in each day, each day became a little brighter, and my focus on MY way, turned to a focus on letting my life be what it was designed to be. If there’s a lesson in all of that turmoil, I know my path is to help others out of that place, and to see what greatness exists in the world.

Those who don’t know me, might think I am crazy. Might think I have no handle on reality. Might even judge my idealism. But that, is not my concern. Today, my concern is the person I see in the mirror. And that woman, makes me cry tears of joy, instead of tears of shame.

Finding your Nugget

And, every day I rise, I am blessed with the nugget that I have the strength and the fortitude to carry whatever burden I am given, and choose to move forward. What is the nugget in your day? If you’re stuck in the darkness, I understand. But I am not here to shame you for your pain. I only wish to encourage you to start looking for that one thing that will help you get beyond it. And, once you have, let that be your nugget.

PS: There is ALWAYS a Nugget, as long as there is a desire to see it.

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Separate Yourself – A Suggestion for Changemakers

Doing good comes with a downside. Maybe that’s why so many people just give up and stop trying. The reason we surround ourselves with the people we do, is because they “get us.” They know our heart. But we cannot live in a bubble. If we just surround ourselves with the people who understand us, there’s little chance that the change we want to make — the good that we want to do in the world, will ever come to be if we choose to just play it safe in our little world of like-minded people.

That doesn’t make it easier to deal with when we’re asked to prove our integrity, or when we’re questioned about our motives.

Remember, Pressure is a Privilege (I wrote about this recently, and I still need to remind myself of this regularly — and that will continue to be the way it is, so long as we continue to choose to fight the good fight.

I recently received a message from a close friend who shared his frustration about the dialogues in our city about a Confederate monument and the social divisiveness it has created in our community. He followed this message with — “I am only sharing this with you, because — you know my heart.”

The world is filled with so much negativity, that a person who has their heart in the right place is just completely vulnerable to the hatred — and this makes it harder and harder to keep at it. The noise, the voices of the people who believe there’s probably a hidden agenda, or some dirty dealings, or simply are unwilling to consider that there is another side — make it difficult for people who want to make a difference to keep trying.

Gut (Reality) Check

As long as there are people who strive to make a difference, there will always be people on the other side, bringing their negativity, “snarkiness” and even accusations to the table.

When we are faced with these challenges, it’s easy to consider just pulling up the cords and walking away. And allow our thoughts to go something like this: This work doesn’t really matter. I am

not making a difference. Maybe they are right. I am done with this BS. We’re supposed to ignore sunk costs — maybe that’s what this is — another sunk cost. Time to walk away.

But this when we absolutely must strengthen our resolve. We need to put on our “big girl panties” and carry on. And, we need to find a way to separate ourselves from the negativity.

Here are some things to remember when you’re feeling the affects of the negative energy that inevitably will surface.

  • The toxic energy that surrounds you is not you.
  • Their negative interpretation of your actions is not you.
  • The rude, insensitive responses to something good is not a reason to stop — it is a reason to keep going.
  • You will never know the pain that they are enduring — and this means you must not let their pain be your pain.
  • Fortify your soul and refresh by taking a good, long break. Staying wrapped up in the negativity will eventually wear you down.
  • At times like these, take a long, hard look at the work you have done. Don’t let the single heckler in the crowd distract you from seeing the good you’ve been doing — The results of your work should always be louder than that single voice.

Showing up to do the work you are being called to do requires GRIT. And, in order to stay positive, work through the challenges and keep plugging away, you have to know where you’re going. This might be a great time to write it down. So that when the next wave of negativity comes, you can remember what you told yourself:

Here are my favorite quotes to help me through these days.

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This Might Not Matter — Refusing Apathy

In my experience, the world is filled with unresolved conflict. I am not referring to Syria, or Health Care or Crime Rates or Unemployment. These are certainly unresolved conflicts — cultural, economic and government concerns that are of course, as great a concern to me as they likely are to you.

However, this post is about the internal conflicts — the ones we can (if we choose to) collectively work to resolve, in order to better manage the issues that seem to be getting more and more out of control. The conflicts that, left unchecked lead to apathy.

A world of whatever, meh, and blank stares, order takers, and time-card-punching is not a world inspired. Far from it. But this is the world I see around me.

And, that’s why passion matters.

When I look around me, at the people I connect to and at the friends I spend time with — sadly, most of them probably won’t read this. It’s not something that I worry much about, but it’s an acknowledgment that I must make and address within my heart — how do I handle the fact that the words I write are of little to no interest to the people I am closest, and with whom I spend the most time? And, how do I keep going without their support, or even the mildest of interest? They too, are apathetic. I am not judging, merely observing. There’s more interest in watching Reality TV than there is in creating REALITY conversations. But, how does one singularly resolve this? Solitary confinement?

It’s an unresolved conflict — and the answer is, for the most part, I just keep going.

I see greatness in the world. Beauty and sunshine in the faces of my friends. And, when they start beaming, and feeling a little pride, or passion, I see them flinch, almost visibly, and they apologize for getting so excited about something so “trivial.” My heart wants to encourage them, inspire them kindle this fire within them and help them see what is percolating there, if only they would allow it to grow. I want to be surrounded by this energy.

We have one job — to shine our light in the world. We have to do this, whether or not the world around us is watching, or caring, or listening, or even aware.

Apathy is our biggest ene

my. And yet, most of us see that apathy in the faces of our loved ones and we apply it to — ourselves. We won’t allow ourselves to express our exuberance, or feel the temptation of trying something new, or taking a risk — or a stand. We’re afraid of being ourselves.

But I implore you — PLEASE don’t let this fear steal who you were born to be.

We cannot let their apathy steal our joy. We cannot give the energy vampires the power to take away our passion, and our desire to make a difference. We cannot just give in and “go along to get along!”

And, we must fortify our friends, and support their dreams and desires, and encourage that flame to ignite into a fire.

We all have one job — and it is the same job: To love this life with all our might, and to “not go gentle into that good night.”

We are here to “rage, rage against the dying of the light.” Without the light, there is nothing we can do to create a world designed for living.

And, I am on the team that wants to live in a world that celebrates living. IF you’re with me, believing in a life worth living, share this with your friend. Start a conversation about something important to you. Don’t apologize for pulling them away from the screen. Give yourself permission to be someone who invites others to share their ideas, and by doing so, you will unconsciously begin to give yourself that same grace. We need you.

It’s your turn. It’s OUR Turn.

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Look for The Helpers: A Reminder Before Irma Arrives

Look for The Helpers: A Reminder Before Irma Arrives

“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’

To this day, especially in times of “disaster,” I remember my mother’s words and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers — so many caring people in this world.” — Mister Rogers

I heard this quote by Fred Rogers a few years ago, and as we await the arrival of Hurricane Irma, I am wondering, what will your children see?

As a 17-year-old, in Miami after Hurricane Andrew, I remember a lot of specific details.

Yes, there were houses with spray paint that said “Looters will be Shot.” There was devastation, and loss.

But the immediate memories that I recall had to do with the Helpers.

My most vivid memory is the one of my dad, arriving from 4 hours away — a drive that took him almost 7 hours to make — with brand new chain saws that were unavailable in Miami for weeks after the storm had passed.

Our street was completely blocked — and not a priority for disaster relief. If we’d waited for them to come, it would have been weeks before our neighbors could have returned home.

My dad brought the chain saws, and I remember vividly the joy I felt when he taught me how to use one, so I could help. Maybe I wasn’t responsible for clearing much of the trees blocking the street, but I was there, doing something — helping. And that gave me a feeling I hadn’t known before — purpose.

Yes, helping gives us purpose — meaning. In spite of whatever stress is surrounding us, in helping, there’s an incredible gift to gain.

That’s why, when there is any kind of disaster, you will always find people volunteering to help.

Just look around. And, when you see someone else stepping forward to help, join them — you can always find a way to help.

Even if it’s just to offer someone a reassuring smile, or to give them one of the last loaves of bread on the shelf, or to bring your chain saw to help them clear their driveway.

Getting outside of your own frustration and helping someone else solve their problems, will lead you to something really profound — the only thing more meaningful than you helping your neighbors, is teaching your children the power in the actions of helping their neighbors.

As we recover from the aftermath, whatever that might be, I believe the greatest stories will come from helping. 24 years from now, what will your children remember about their experience after Hurricane Irma? The frustration of no electricity, no Internet, no hot water?

Or the feeling they might get from helping?

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Pause, Breathe, Stay Positive

 

I took a break from my 30 Day Challenge last night. I didn’t have anything productive (or positive) to say. I was exhausted in the aftermath of Hurricane Irma, and, while there is a lot of destruction, it could have been so much worse.

But it’s still a mess. And the people are not helping it feel any better. Actually, it seems that while there are so many amazing stories to tell about wonderful people and neighbors, helping neighbors, there are a lot of people forgetting their manners.

I am not proud of what I see happening around me — it makes me want to stick my head in the sand, and just quit trying. I can’t imagine how the employees, on the other side of the complaints, are feeling. They are responsible for providing all of the power and all of the answers, and it’s never going to be good enough. Even when what is happening is close to miraculous.

Just in my city alone, there were 78,000 buildings without power when Irma left our area. That was on Monday morning, when everything was still total chaos, and our municipal employees were not working. Within 24 hours, they had assessed the damage and deployed the linemen to get to work, fixing — working toward normal.

That’s what has occurred to me since Monday — We’re constantly working toward something we don’t have — what is normal? Is that what we want? Or, could we have something better? Couldn’t we strive for being better?

Today, is Wednesday, and there are approximately 25,000 houses remaining in the Lakeland Electric service area. That is about 50,000 people who are comfortable, safe and celebrating the hard work and efforts of the electric company.

I assume this is probably the same across the state. Duke Energy, TECO, FPL. Over 10,000,000 customers throughout Florida woke up without power because of the mess Irma left behind.

This is the question that is on everyone’s mind — mine included. I don’t have power yet either. And yet, my mind isn’t on when power at my house will be restored. I have the good fortune of being able to crash at the house of some wonderful friends. So, yes, I am a little inconvenienced, but safe, and cool, and well-fed. For me, that is all I can ask for. I know I will have power eventually. And that is enough for me.

But out there, it’s not enough.

No, the fact is, and will continue to be that many people will not accept anything that “forgets” them. They insist that they are the most important, and they don’t care that there are 24,999 others in the same situation. They want to know when their power is going to be turned on, they need answers to their questions, and they aren’t going to stop until they get their answers — until their problem is solved. At that point, what will happen? Will they still be concerned about their neighbors? Or will they just be satisfied that they have what they need and stop complaining?

I didn’t write a post yesterday because I didn’t want to be critical of the ugliness. But I believe we have a responsibility to speak the truth.

I am grateful to the workers who are spending 16 hours each day trying to restore power to all of the city. I am grateful for the communication that I am receiving from local leaders. I am grateful to all of the positive, caring people who are helping.

But I am ready for the ugliness to stop. I am ready for the negative attitudes and the accusations to end. I am ready for those who are without power to look beyond themselves and see what is good in the world. To appreciate the gift that we did not sustain more damage. To stop hearing that there is more that could have been or should have been done. That 72 hours after the storm is gone, more people should have their power restored?

I am ready for more people to begin asking this question?

What in the world can we do to make things better?

I hope this helps, but I am sure it won’t. But that’s not going to be a reason to stop trying. Just like those linemen — busting their assess to bring power back to the remaining homes. It’s not ever going to be enough, because the ugliness isn’t going to stop. But they are not going to stop. And neither am I.

Come on, people — Pause, Breathe, Stay Positive.

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What you Find in the Space Between

 

We tend to think about the world the way it is reported — in the extreme edges. But this leaves out much of the story. This is the “Broad Brush.” In times after disasters, we forget about how much we can do, in between the edges.

When you look between the extremes, you find what really powers the world — the place where agencies that are created and funded to serve those in extreme need leave off, and where everything else comes together to fill the gaps.

These are the stories mainstream media misses, because they are so focused on the edges. Telling the extreme stories. (And, sometimes making stories seem extreme).

In between these extremes, everything else exists.

What actually happens, in between the stories of horrific floods, gaping holes and destruction?

People take care of themselves and then, they take care of their neighbors. We share the load, and we come together to help make everything better.

Yes, sometimes, we are on the edges, but most of the time, we’re in the space between, getting things figured out, while those that really need help are being taken care of.

The space between is filled with capable, caring people — who fly under the radar, and make it possible for those needing care to receive it. This is the space where neighbors work to clear debris from the street, to make it possible for everyone to return home after the storm has subsided. It’s the space where families and friends come together to “make it through.” There’s no light needed to shine on the space between — this is the space that just is.

And, when you think about it, this is the space the makes our communities the strongest. It’s the space where resilient, self-sufficient and caring people live. It’s where you find kindness, patience, and love.

The space between is where we thrive, even when no one is looking.

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You are the Village

 

Climbing. Climbing. Climbing
Reaching. Reaching. Reaching.
Hoping. Hoping. Hoping.
Praying. Praying. Praying.

 

We’re all in this together. And, the only way out is through. As tensions mount, and the communities prepare, I see something beautiful in front of me. Do you see it too?

As the entire state of Florida awaits a natural disaster, I anticipate we’re going to see so much love and generosity as we come together, find the helpers and survive this historic storm — together.

Storms don’t pay much attention to the things we’re constantly consumed with. They are the great equalizer. And, they remind us of what actually matters in this world.

I actually heard a man say he was afraid on the news today — and he said, “we’re all afraid.” And no one argued with him.

When terror gripped the country on 9/11 in 2001, fear gripped us all. We came to a realization then that nothing was sacred, and that safety is something we take for granted. We shared a common enemy then, and we share the same enemy today.

The enemy is hatred. And, it’s around us every day. Confederate monuments, bigotry, racism, and disrespect are still rampant, even though we said We Will Never Forget.

The country came together then, as I know will happen again after Irma, and as it is happening in Houston, as well. And has happened every single time there has been catastrophe and disaster throughout our history.

What is responsible for what happens when we put our differences aside, and see past the disagreements?

Love.

The village is responsible — not for our safety, as that is never a guarantee. No, the village is responsible for the love that emerges when we begin dealing with the circumstances, and getting past the tragedy, the loss and the hurt that comes when we cannot hide from our vulnerability.

You, are the village. Not just today, and tomorrow and in the aftermath of a hurricane. You are the village every single day.

Your judgment of those who think and act and believe differently goes away, and you look at your neighbors and strangers, with different eyes when you know that we are all going through this together. Let us all remember this when we’re on the other side of this storm, and we’ve distanced ourselves from the fear.

Please don’t forget, we are all the village. And, it takes a village.

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I am not Afraid of a Category 5 Hurricane — But this Next Step is a Doozy.

I am filled with fear about this next part of my journey. But, ironically, I am not filled with fear about the arrival of Hurricane Irma.

Maybe it’s the fear of the unknown.

I lived through Hurricane Andrew in 1993, and I know the devastation that is possible. I am not suggesting that I am not concerned about the affects this Irma will have on us and, the truth is, I live in the middle of Florida, so I am in a safe place, which contributes to me feeling relatively safe. But, regardless of my fear, though, there’s nothing I can do to stop her, or slow her down, or avoid what might be on the other side of Sunday. All I can do is wait and see. And, that, actually brings me peace.

That’s why I am not afraid of Irma.

I am afraid of this challenge that lies ahead of me. Because what lies on the other side is completely in my control. No hurricane to blame on whether or not I level up and create this thing that is in my soul. No idea at all whether it will work, or if it’s even a good idea, or what will happen if I fail — that’s what has been keeping me up these past couple of nights.

Questions I cannot answer, even if I wait until Sunday — Especially if I just sit and wait to see what happens. Because this one, is all up to me.

A 30 Day Challenge for all the Marbles

This is post #15 of my 30 Day Blogging Challenge. I decided to do this in preparation of my upcoming launch of the BeAwesomeDaily — A-List Blogging Challenge, in which I plan to offer guidance and support to bloggers who are just starting, or who just need someone to help them stay consistent and committed to the process.

Yeah. It’s really going to be awesome. For the first time in a long time, I have felt that feeling of excitement and energy. I know blogging is not an easy task for some people to undertake on their own. Not really because it’s difficult, but it requires discipline, and confidence. And, it also requires that you work to craft your message, with the chance that no one (except your mom or your paid employees) are going to read it. But the key isn’t as much getting the readers to the post — not at first anyway. The key is exercising the muscle (and exorcising the demons) that try to get in the way.

That is what days 14 and 15 have been for me.

I am used to writing — I do it every day — just not on my beautiful new blog, and it has always been more of a catharsis than a planned strategy in the past. While I write this, I am listening to the voice that has plagued me in the past. The one that is telling me I am wasting my time, that it’s not going to work, that I need to be focusing on something else! Hell, I could even be worrying about the fact that there is no water at Publix! I could drop this fantasy and blame the fact that I am abandoning ship because of a category 5 hurricane like the world has never seen before — and no one would blame me! Yeah, I totally understand, you really needed to prepare for Irma, I don’t blame you for taking a break from the blogging challenge!

But I would know the truth, and that isn’t what I am really afraid of.

Yesterday, the resistance came swooping in through voice of a trusted advisor. In her words, I heard the status quo — and began to wonder if I was crazy for buying into the guidance I have received from Seth Godin and my fellow altMBAers that have become the beacons for my path to being remarkable — What a crazy crock of hooey — who the hell do I think I am? What assumptions am I making in believing I might be capable of something remarkable? Really? A Bridge? You?

These weren’t the advisors words. These were the words I was hearing, in the space between her words. In my own head.

I wish there was a map… I wish someone could tell me where to go from here. I wish there was an answer to the question “How do I know if it’s working?” I wish I could be normal. I wish I knew how to “go along to get along.”

But. That. Is. NOT. ME.

I know there is more and I know this challenge is worth it. I am learning. It is possible, and I am good enough.

So, if you’re reading this today, please forgive me for tying this post to the hurricane. But I literally sent that message “I am not afraid of a category 5 hurricane, but this next step is a doozy.” to my friend Sarah last night. And, she said “There’s your next blog post title!” So, thanks, friend! 🙂

And if you’re reading this down the road, when Irma has come through and left her mark on history, I hope you’ll realize that whatever storms are in your way, whatever challenges you might be facing. You have the power to overcome them, as long as you don’t jump ship. You have to stay and fight this one with your inner voice. If you don’t no one will notice. But, if you don’t you will remember the day you found another reason not to go forward with your dreams. Would you rather justify it or JUST DO IT?

Irma, you’re not going to make me a victim of your destruction. I, too can make history.

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What does it Say About You?

Your brand has a story. You are a part of that story. The days of hiding behind the corporate ladder are no longer. Everyone is watching.

Even if you are an employee, an intern, or just a temp. You represent the company you work for. With your LinkedIn profile, and your name tag, and your smile. Every single person in the organization makes up the whole.

The sum of all parts, is in fact greater than its whole.

Because it’s not just what your PR campaign says you do.

What matters is what your actions say about you.

Your actions say you care about quality, or you don’t. Or you care about getting it right, or you don’t. They say you respect people from all walks of life, or you don’t. They say you value the local economy and keep your business local, or you don’t.

So, while you might really invest a lot of time in a quality experience, or the best quality of products or service, or a marketing campaign that paints a beautiful picture about who you “are,” you need to think about a few more things before you can depend on your brand to be enough to get the job done.

Things like who you hire, how they feel about their jobs — how they reflect the experience of working for you, says more about your brand than your words or actions would.

Taking care of the little details that most people won’t notice, and that, to you might seem silly — like the garbage in the bathroom, or actually purchasing the name brand ketchup instead of using the name brand bottles with the fake stuff. Things like making an option for purchasing online. And, realizing that your customers don’t really need to be the ones thinking about how much the credit card fees are.

Running a business isn’t for the faint of heart. But no one is forcing you to choose this option. So, if you want your brand to mean something, make sure you make the decisions that will reflect a brand that is worth following.

And then, keep doing it.

Building a brand worth following is just the beginning. You can’t count on the launch, or a good start to sustain you. The businesses that make it, are the ones who invest in the work it requires to provide the quality, for the long term.

If you are thinking it’s your customers that don’t get it, think again. If people aren’t buying from you, what are you going to do about it?

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The Edges of Your Beliefs

We live in a world of edges. An unexamined life, is worth examining. The edges are here for us to explore. Not for us to avoid.

Right — Left
Good — Evil
Easy — Difficult
Give — Take
Real — Fake
New — Traditional
Fast — Slow
Cheap — Expensive
Pleasant — Offensive
Innovative — Proven
Risky — Safe

However, exploring these edges is not recommended if we’re looking for approval. We’re not encouraged to explore beyond what we’re served as “reality.”

It’s not your job, you’re too young, you’re not smart enough, you’re not rich enough, you’re not connected enough, you’re too old, it’s too risky, you won’t get the promotion, it’s not possible, it’s against regulation.

Don’t rock the boat. Trust us. We know what we’re doing. Toe this line. It’s safe. Don’t go over there, it’s dangerous. Stay here.

So, we take what we’re given. We buy in. It’s easier. It’s what we’re told we need to do to “make it” in this world.

And yet…

What happens when someone like you finally gets fed up, restless, unsettled, curious? What will you find on the other side of your belief? If you venture to explore the edges of your beliefs, you’ll probably find that it’s not so cut and dried. There are layers, and layers, and more layers. The answer isn’t as simple as they’d have you believe.

No, you actually have to do your own work to discover what you believe. Trust, but verify. Begin to peel the layers, and discover what your truth is.

This reveals one of the most important edges:

The distinction between rights — responsibilities.

To be protected is our right, and it is also our responsibility to protect ourselves. We cannot hand that responsibility blindly to others.

The answers we’re all seeking live between the edges, which requires that we consider both what we believe as well as the opposite of what we believe — or we risk abdicating responsibility to someone who is only capable of believing their version of the truth, only seen through their lens.

Don’t believe me? Good. We’re getting somewhere.

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