I am filled with fear about this next part of my journey. But, ironically, I am not filled with fear about the arrival of Hurricane Irma.
Maybe it’s the fear of the unknown.
I lived through Hurricane Andrew in 1993, and I know the devastation that is possible. I am not suggesting that I am not concerned about the affects this Irma will have on us and, the truth is, I live in the middle of Florida, so I am in a safe place, which contributes to me feeling relatively safe. But, regardless of my fear, though, there’s nothing I can do to stop her, or slow her down, or avoid what might be on the other side of Sunday. All I can do is wait and see. And, that, actually brings me peace.
That’s why I am not afraid of Irma.
I am afraid of this challenge that lies ahead of me. Because what lies on the other side is completely in my control. No hurricane to blame on whether or not I level up and create this thing that is in my soul. No idea at all whether it will work, or if it’s even a good idea, or what will happen if I fail — that’s what has been keeping me up these past couple of nights.
Questions I cannot answer, even if I wait until Sunday — Especially if I just sit and wait to see what happens. Because this one, is all up to me.
A 30 Day Challenge for all the Marbles
This is post #15 of my 30 Day Blogging Challenge. I decided to do this in preparation of my upcoming launch of the BeAwesomeDaily — A-List Blogging Challenge, in which I plan to offer guidance and support to bloggers who are just starting, or who just need someone to help them stay consistent and committed to the process.
Yeah. It’s really going to be awesome. For the first time in a long time, I have felt that feeling of excitement and energy. I know blogging is not an easy task for some people to undertake on their own. Not really because it’s difficult, but it requires discipline, and confidence. And, it also requires that you work to craft your message, with the chance that no one (except your mom or your paid employees) are going to read it. But the key isn’t as much getting the readers to the post — not at first anyway. The key is exercising the muscle (and exorcising the demons) that try to get in the way.
That is what days 14 and 15 have been for me.
I am used to writing — I do it every day — just not on my beautiful new blog, and it has always been more of a catharsis than a planned strategy in the past. While I write this, I am listening to the voice that has plagued me in the past. The one that is telling me I am wasting my time, that it’s not going to work, that I need to be focusing on something else! Hell, I could even be worrying about the fact that there is no water at Publix! I could drop this fantasy and blame the fact that I am abandoning ship because of a category 5 hurricane like the world has never seen before — and no one would blame me! Yeah, I totally understand, you really needed to prepare for Irma, I don’t blame you for taking a break from the blogging challenge!
But I would know the truth, and that isn’t what I am really afraid of.
Yesterday, the resistance came swooping in through voice of a trusted advisor. In her words, I heard the status quo — and began to wonder if I was crazy for buying into the guidance I have received from Seth Godin and my fellow altMBAers that have become the beacons for my path to being remarkable — What a crazy crock of hooey — who the hell do I think I am? What assumptions am I making in believing I might be capable of something remarkable? Really? A Bridge? You?
These weren’t the advisors words. These were the words I was hearing, in the space between her words. In my own head.
I wish there was a map… I wish someone could tell me where to go from here. I wish there was an answer to the question “How do I know if it’s working?” I wish I could be normal. I wish I knew how to “go along to get along.”
But. That. Is. NOT. ME.
I know there is more and I know this challenge is worth it. I am learning. It is possible, and I am good enough.
So, if you’re reading this today, please forgive me for tying this post to the hurricane. But I literally sent that message “I am not afraid of a category 5 hurricane, but this next step is a doozy.” to my friend Sarah last night. And, she said “There’s your next blog post title!” So, thanks, friend! 🙂
And if you’re reading this down the road, when Irma has come through and left her mark on history, I hope you’ll realize that whatever storms are in your way, whatever challenges you might be facing. You have the power to overcome them, as long as you don’t jump ship. You have to stay and fight this one with your inner voice. If you don’t no one will notice. But, if you don’t you will remember the day you found another reason not to go forward with your dreams. Would you rather justify it or JUST DO IT?